I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
