I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
4 words: hood of his car
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
