Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
