Already got asked if we're dating
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
