turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
