and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
