i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
