Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
