Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
