my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
