Nicole vs. Life
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
