wrigley field is MILF paradise
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
