When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
