I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
