Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
