so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
