he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
