So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
