Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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