apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
