he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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