For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
