I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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