what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
