i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
home. puking in laundry basket.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
