There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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