I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She bit a glass in half.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
