i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
