I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
