I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
