this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
