you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
