I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
