i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
