your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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