I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
