When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
