i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
