I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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