My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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