summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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