I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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