you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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