I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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