you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
