She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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