why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
