he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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