bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
