we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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